Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Had the day off today. Spent it resting. It's been a crazy couple of weeks at work. Mind's still buzzed. Need to switch off. I realize it's the one skill that's going to prove crucial in the future - switching on and off.

Over the last few months, I've come to realize that I can get really obsessed with things. When I think about how I've behaved on certain occasions in the past, I can, with the benefit of hindsight, point out episodes of obsession: with playing sports, with reading, with writing, with work, with hobbies, with all sorts of stuff ... I get into this frame of mind when nothing else seems to get through. My mind picks up momentum and it just doesn't stop, doesn't let other things in, no multitasking at all. Whatever I'm obsessed with takes priority over everything else. My sleep cycle goes for a toss, I don't eat properly, I lose my appetite ... It didn't matter when I was younger, but at 30, I find this exhausting and draining. And it's taking me longer to recover from these bouts of obsession.

When I'm obsessed, I somehow feel that it's all or nothing, that I have to give this everything every minute of the day else I'm not doing it justice. I have to stop thinking like this. I need to be able to put in a few hours of well-directed effort every day over a longer, much longer, period of time rather than invest my energies in a highly intense, concentrated burst of effort. I need to be able to say "Okay, this is how much time I'm gonna spend on you and after that I've got other things to take care of".

Like I said, need to figure out how to switch on and switch off.

***

I've also realized that I don't listen to music as much as I used to earlier. Heck, I don't even think it's 10% of what it used to be. So I spent the day listening to a lot of Adele and Ludovico Einaudi.

Adele is phenomenal. The power, the agility, the range, the emotions, the rawness and the honesty of her voice. She's a thing of beauty. Every time I hear her, I feel grateful for being alive. I'd like to hear her live if I get the chance.

PS pointed me to Ludovico Einaudi when I was in Bombay. I got back to LE today after a long time. Truly wonderful compositions. All I want to do is just lie back, close my eyes and soak in the music.

***

I want to start writing again.

Saturday, August 24, 2013

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Origami

Take a sheet of paper.

Cut it square to size.

Fold once across the middle.

Fold again down the centre.

Peel back the loose flaps.

Slide your fingers inside the heart.

Pull apart.

A paper boat now

lies on the table

between us.

Sunday, July 21, 2013

I feel sorry for Australia. Things could have been so different if they had won at Trent Bridge. Hope they put up a fight at Old Trafford.

Is Australia the new India? They are losing everywhere, home and away.

***

Two movies across two weekends. Lootera and Bhaag Milkha Bhaag. Makes me feel productive!

Farhan Akhthar carries BMB on his gym-or-nothing shoulders. If I was not a fan earlier, I am one for life now.

***

I've been reading The Power Of Habit over the last week. Was talking to A about how all that people seem to do in their twenties is lay all the good work from childhood to waste. Result? Mediocre lives. Including self? Time will tell.

***

I miss my friends. S is in the country but we can't meet. Haven't spoken to anyone in ages. ABJ, KSK, AG, K ... Need to get over my resistance to online media.

***

Dreamt about dad again last night. I seem to recollect sobbing in my sleep. Wonder what's screwed up in my head.

Dreamt of loosing my teeth again, the right canine this time. I'm guessing it's all the anxiety from wanting to do well on the work and home fronts.

***

A joined a yoga group this week. She asked me to accompany her, to motivate her and act as a sort of spotting buddy. I refused.

***

I'd give an arm and a leg to be in Bombay now.