40

Music has led you back to this place.

It's the same song, or three. It's the same mood of the night. It's the same rabbit hole that you went haring down all those years ago.

Indraikkum Yendraikkum Nalla Naal Dhaan.

And just like that, one stray line, a whiff of a long lost memory, leads you down to where you haven't been in a while.

A long while.

Hello.

Maybe this is generosity towards yourself. Maybe this is weekend desperation. Or maybe it's just an ill-advised overdose of sugary substances before sleep.

Maybe. Or not. Who cares.

You are here, might as well make the most of it.

Isaithida Yennai Thedi Varanum.

Might as well see if the words will come to you.

Unbeckoned. Unforced. Unfettered.

See if there's rhythm in that stride. See if there's fluency in the fingers. See if there's want or if you're wanting.

(Damn, that bass guitar feels so good on the ears)

See if inspiration can still sail you along miles into your memories. Or will the wind wrap around itself leaving you high and dry?

Kisi Na Kisi Se Koi Kuch Toh Keh Raha Hai.

You just want to sit silently. You just want to remember the cherry red of a hard new SG Cricket ball, recall its leathery heft in the hollow of your palm. You don't want to think of the clothes in the balcony or that they have to be brought in from the rain.

You remember a hotel room in Perth almost 20 years ago and getting your hair cut by a woman. You just want to smell the morning on the grass in Hannover. You even want to watch the monsoon make its way high over the Western ghats.

There was a time when time was not so precious, but life was still a matter of life and death.

But then here you are, might as well make the most of it.

Kizhakkumugam Veluthuvittaal Irulukku Mudivundu Engalukku Vidivundu.

There's light sliding under the blinds, seeping through like water slowly overflowing out the bathroom door. There's a yawn, and another, and another. There's no escaping dawn, is there?

A few more hours before the household will haul itself up on its feet, and song will have to cede to sobriety.

Soon the lists will be on you and listlessness will ensue. Soon you will linger around laundry. Soon you will go back to where you just came from.

But hey, at least for now, here you are.

Make the most of it.

:-)