Thursday, March 22, 2007

Kal-El, Son of Jor-El

I think superheroes are socialist propaganda in disguise (All that red in the costumes always made me suspicious). Not only are most of them disgustingly nationalistic (Captain America, for crying out loud), they charge no fee for their services. Come on, a cheque now and then wouldn't hurt, would it? Besides, why do they have to adopt alter-egos to earn a living? Disclose your identity, bask in the mindless adulation that is bound to follow, copyright your insignia, your costume and everything else that's got to do with you, start selling memorabilia and rake in the moolah while you go about saving the world. Nobody's going to bother. Unless, unless and until you, the superhero, are a commie. And think about how everything Superman stands for goes against the concept of democracy, federalism and capitalism. All that power concentrated in one place. Hah! So much for the moon mission. If you take comicbook heroes as the metric, the Russians won the cold war hands down. I was over the moon with this brainwave until I got suspicious about my own thought processes. Google gave me this which is as comprehensive a conspiracy theory as any. And while you're at it, check the date on that. Am I behind the times or what? Oh well, never mind.

Of course, if I had the chance to be Superman ...
  1. Dear Mr. President, The attachment contains the invoice for all services rendered for the month of February. 798732 lives saved at a special price of $1 each ...
  2. What do you mean I'm late?
  3. What do you mean I can't get a driving license?
  4. No Lois, no, don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking ... I turned off the x-ray vision, I swear, you've got to believe me.
  5. Stop saying that everytime, you morons. Can't you tell I'm not a bird or a plane? Idiots. All of you.
  6. Now, which one of you rascals stole my underwear? I'm gonna count upto three ...
  7. What's a guy got to do to get a drink over here? Save some lives?
  8. Listen Lex, I'm telling you for the last time -- get a wig, okay? Forget Kryptonite, that glare is killing me already.
  9. Don't get wise on me now. I know what Bruce gets paid for his ads.
  10. If it's my movie, why the hell can't I act in it? Besides, I do my own stunts.
  11. Hi, you've reached Superman. If your emergency can wait a couple of weeks, please leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you after my vacation. However, if your life is on the line, dial 911 now. Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

10 comments:

Stallion said...

THOO...NO WONDER U AINT SUPERMAN.

arundhathi said...

We dont have super heros in India cos we dont have tall buildings ... think of it , Batman , when in thought , is shown standing tall ,a above the world , his cape belowing in the wind ; Spiderman goes and sits in an uncomfortable corner of a huge structure and meditates ; Superman tries to jump into the solar system everytime , else makes do with the tallest structure in the landscape.
The need of the hour is a tall building ....

musafir said...

stallion

Tsk tsk

arundhathi

I think you're onto something there but then that's disparaging Shaktimaan. He is a superhero after all. Not forgetting all those mythological legends we grew up on {Hanuman would be any kid's favourite}. Personally, I think all our superheroes read Camus, espoused Absurdity, gave up on trying to save the world and joined Tollywood.

Coming back to your point, have you noticed how these superheroes seem to mushroom only in cities with skyscrapers? Gotham, Metropolis ... all of them are mini New Yorks. Almost as if they don't feel motivated in the countryside.

musafir said...

{this got bitten off by blogger}

...For example, Smallville

There could be a causality problem with the tall building theory though :-) Absurd as it sounds, do superheroes seek cities with tall buildings (which offer scope for some great camera angles)? Or did the buildings come up to cater to their eccentricities?

arundhathi said...

Lets jus put it this way , they belive in - Simple living (?!) and HIGH thinking :D

The Soliloquist said...

Whats with the mirth category getting musafir's attention nowadays ??? :-)

Looks like someone is lighetning up ... :-)

Was watchin superman on pogo last week sometime.. super hero movies without the graphics are so much fun to watch now... hilarious...

But personally, feel all these superheroes are fallouts of an over worked under fed imagination...

musafir said...

arundhathi

:-)) ... more like "elevated" thinking and high-rise living!

Good one that.

the soliloquist

Argh! I resent that! I'm "sunny and cheerful".

As for the superheroes, they made for many an interesting afternoon when I was young. And I'm just exploring my repertoire :-)

Anonymous said...

u do realise u have a few regulars and it is ur duty to write regularly! its almost like a magazine waiting for the next edition so do oblige as frequently as possible.

musafir said...

anonymous

Who is this? Do I know you?

I do realize I have "regular readers" apart from the handful of friends who read this blog. Cut me some slack, will you? It takes a little getting used to the concept of having people "waiting for the next edition" :-) ... I'm a little occupied with work right now, so no creative space to write something meaningful. But yes, will be posting very soon.

LUCKY said...

interesting comparison, but are you also becoming like the ever-paranoid americans who seek to find conspiracy, hidden meaning and messages in anything and everything.

But hey, I still love X files :)