Friday, April 06, 2007

Crossroads

Will you remember these minutes whiled away at the crossroads, amidst the melting tension of traffic? Will you remember waiting for the lights to turn favourable, surrounded by the futile rhythm of idling engines, choking us with the exhaust smoke of wasted time?
Will we remember this claustrophobic interval, spent silently navigating the schizophrenic hemispheres of our minds, confronting the abrupt ebb in the ambition of our journeys, contemplating destiny while it evaporates like fuel from the alkaline river beds of our lives?
Will you remember this agonizing countdown towards the resumption of motion and the comforting continuation of our obsession with petty notions?
Will our lives become less ordinary? Will we stop having to squeeze enthusiasm from the pores of our dried up souls? Will we ever ride out with hope singing in our hearts? Will we play slalom with the lane-markers?
Or will you continue to stand and gape while life passes by in the opposite direction, forever? Will you have the courage to turn off the ignition and reassess the shape of your destination? Are miles more important than milestones? Or is it the other way around?
Will you remember revelling in the paralysis that lack of self-belief is? Will you at least concede that you chose to not choose and that the choice picked you?
Or will you, when you see green, shed all these thoughts like uncomfortable clothing and drive away, spiritually naked in the searchlight of your fraudulent existence? And how much longer can you live like a chameleon, alternating identities between hopeful romantic and caustic cynic?

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Will you at least concede that you chose to not choose and that the choice picked you?" :-)

More Later !

Juggler said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brood Mode said...

Made me squirm...

Anonymous said...

must have been really difficult to think of so many synonymous questions!

musafir said...

anonymous 1

:-)

brood mode

I'm not surprised.

anonymous 2

Care to elaborate? Not sure what you're trying to say.

Karthik said...

Sounds Depressing !!

musafir said...

karthik

:-) ... couldn't help it! But then you should ask yourself why it does.

catch 22 said...

Alternating identities between hopeful Romantic and a caustic Cynic, thats what I do. Its jus a matter of time before one identity gets the better of the other, which one ? Well, time would tell :)

Anonymous said...

The magnitude of enthusiasm is directly proportional to the febrile tension of the squeeze .
Man is a captive in the cell of choice however , thats as long as we have a premise of only " this " and "that" ...

IMHO

- D...R...

Anonymous said...

yet another good effort. i suppose u were aiming at poetic/rhetoric prose and so left the reader with questions. aren't these qs that every body ponders? by just posing them and not giving ur- maybe- answers leaves us in limbo.
when all ur qs are "will...?" the last one is not!! oversight? got carried away haha!!!

musafir said...

catch 22

:) ... I've been quoting this for a lot of situations, but none so apt as this, so here you go:

Will time say nothing but I told you so?
If I could tell you I would let you know.

-- W. H. Auden

D...R...

Is this who I think it is?

Agree, that choice holds us captive, but not clear about the premise you're talking about. If it is about choices being just material and not metaphysical, then I agree, although you would have to let me know what exactly it is that you were talking about.

anonymous

I didn't know I was writing an exam.

The Soliloquist said...

A good attempt at Self-baring... ripping apart the layers of covering..

the analogy of the traffic lights is ok, but for one thing. Every crossroad in life isnt the same. Each one brings a different metamorphosis. A new realisation, that is not forgotten but reinforces its predecessors.

"Will you remember this agonizing countdown towards the resumption of motion "

somehow, i couldnt relate to this. Because i have always enjoyed the stops at the signal, and have looked around me. Forgetting the purpose of my journey, becoming an impassionate spectator. Resuming the journey again would almost like a new lap. But ofcourse, if i am in a hurry, it would be agonizing.

Life is mostly lived in the moments. Each one as valuble as the other. And as unique as the other.

"Or will you continue to stand and gape while life passes by in the opposite direction, forever? Will you have the courage to turn off the ignition and reassess the shape of your destination".

One always has the choice to turn back, but even if one continues with journey, it your choice to determine the route, even if there are other factors. It is more of a challenge, to shape a bad situation to something that we like, and it can be done in any way, backward, forward, or sideways.. infinite degrees of freedom.. And life never goes in the opposite direction.. It is always waiting to be led...


"Will you remember revelling in the paralysis that lack of self-belief is? Will you at least concede that you chose to not choose and that the choice picked you?"

Have gone through this at an earlier stage of my life. But now can say, that the choice of letting choice pick me was also mine, and as long as it is mine, I have no regrets about it. Its a stage when you are tired of all the self deception, and are frustrated at having fooled yourself. You tend to own up to your lapses, and with this responsibility comes a new ability to see hidden possibilities that "could have been".It would cause initial regret and agony but soon you would clap your hands and say "Alright, time to tidy up..". But this too is a phase, and you tend to go through this cycle at regular intervals with varying intensities... :-)

"And how much longer can you live like a chameleon, alternating identities between hopeful romantic and caustic cynic? "

Always settling down to the equillibrium position of the mundane realist. :-) And then vacillating all over again...

Can see you have gone through a soul search... But then do let go.. Sometimes, God isnt only in the details :-p

The Soliloquist said...

Aww.. didnt realise it got too long !!

musafir said...

the soliloquist

Apologies for the late reply, but then I needed to think things over before I replied.

Every crossroad in life isnt the same. Each one brings a different metamorphosis. A new realisation, that is not forgotten but reinforces its predecessors -- On a material level, they aren't the same, yes. But I was addressing things at a metaphysical level (if I may permit myself to say so) where every choice that you make has a pattern to it in terms of the associated emotions and the inevitable nostalgia that results on looking back at what could have been. So, yes, the details differ, but the situation is a recurring one.

somehow, i couldnt relate to this ... it would be agonizing. Motion is comforting. To keep moving and not having to reflect and introspect is, in some ways, a blessing. It is not about being in a hurry to move, but it is an expression of the anticipation for superficiality and shallowness. Again, your words seem to deal with the idea at a different level -- looking around and being an impassionate spectator is all fine. But then my meaning was that there being nothing to look around at, one can only look inside.

Life is mostly lived in the moments. Mostly :) ... that word had me smiling. What happens when you can't stop yourself from thinking? Living in the moment is all fine, but then one also has to assimilate those moments, else one can't say one lives in the moment.

One always has the choice to turn back ... It is always waiting to be led... I disagree. Sometimes, there is no turning back. What's gone is gone. Of course, there are occasions when one can turn back, but growing up has been one long process of acknowledging the fact that sometiems the roads clsoe behind you. It's too simplistic to think that all things can be turned back. Also, I don't believe in free will. With every passing day it's beginning to look like an illusion. We delude ourselevs into thinking we make the choices, but when one thinks about it, it is clear that there are only certain combinations of choices we have. Choice, by its very nature, goes against free will.

"Alright, time to tidy up.." :-) ... that's what I do in the end.

But then do let go.. Sometimes, God isnt only in the details :-p No comments about God and details, but yes, I've been learning to let go.

Thanks for the comment. Appreciate it :)

PS: Long comments, as you must know by now, are a long-standing tradition on this blog, so feel free :-)

The Soliloquist said...

Feeling honoured, that you spent time to think over my comments :-)

As is my wont, I dont think much in responding :-)

"every choice that you make has a pattern "

yes, if you want to look for it. Even the cat and the mouse are related.But weaving nets does sometimes get one entrapped in one's own making.

"But then my meaning was that there being nothing to look around at, one can only look inside."

Sometimes it feels nice when you detach from what you "percieve" as your inside, and look around, and also inside.

"but then one also has to assimilate those moments"

True, that too is a moment. A moment of reflection. A moment of thought.

"It's too simplistic to think that all things can be turned back. "

Turned back not to return to the starting point. Even old age can be reversed (albeit deceptively) to a certain extent.

"Choice, by its very nature, goes against free will."

Good one. :-) Free will is by its very nature relative. Can't afford to aspire for the absolute. Irony is, that we always do.

Aghh... by the time i finish typing my comment, the word verification expires !!